Sitting in Smokey Joes, listening to my buddy Jeff Sinclair rock out with his band, shooting pool with one of the ELA teachers on my team, Sam Spade, and eating dinner with a match made by my roommate … and saying everything and nothing. In the midst of conversations I am reminded of Ann’s father’s band, of the accident that brought me here, of Ann herself and the engagement that is no longer. So much of my past, so much of what has brought me to this place and made me who I am must remain unsaid, unshared. Does it? Must it? Will I ever be able to tell my friends about Ann and the engagement that was without having to say why it ended and all of the darkness involved in that revelation? Will I ever be able to tell my buddy Larry the truth of what happened in PA? Dare I tell Sinclair, or Sam, or any of the teachers here at my school? I don’t know why keeping it all to myself forever seems so intolerable, but it does.
God either give me the courage to confide in these people I trust or give me the strength to hold my silence.